Living for yourself...
Now, I am not sure if that is possible..
Do you think you can honestly look at your life and say that everything you've done has been to cater to your own selfish desires? If you have, I bow down to you!
Invariably critical decisions in our life are directly or indirectlydictated by others (what I'll call "stakeholders" in our life, henceforth)..
"which school you go to", "what subjects you opt for", "whether you become an engineer or a doctor or an artist", "which graduation school you join", "which job you take", "where you live", "who you marry", and so on..
Its not that we are the victims in this whole scheme of things.. It generally makes us happy to think we've achieved something for someone else, just like a kid feels happy to think/ know he's made his parent's proud by securing good marks in school! In fact, in many instances we even seek approval, from these "stakeholders", for things we could have been doing just for ourselves.. Take this blog for example, I could be writing for just myself, but a part of me would want approval/ appreciation/ encouragement from people around me...
The question is that at the end of the day would all or any of these "stakeholders" be there when you look back and realize that you never did what you wanted, that you never did anything just for yourself? Would it give you comfort if they say, even if you are not happy, "we are happy because you did it for us"? And, if that does give you comfort, would they be there to tell you that?
No matter what resolutions I make, I am myself unable to break free from this self imposed desire to please the "stakeholders" in my life. I don't know why and I don't know how to break free from this.
What I do know is that I want to break free, because:
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It is almost impossible to make sure that everything you do is to the liking of these "stakeholders" (its almost impossible even if its just one "stakeholder", let along multiple)
[Your every action does not make you happy, otherwise you would be happy 24x7, 365 days a year and 366 in a leap year, and you would have attained nirvana - so when you cant live up to your own expectations, how can it be possible to make sure that every action of yours makes this "stakeholder" happy?] -
No matter how big a "doormat" or "people pleaser" you are, there are bound to be instances when you want to do something for your own happiness (probably feeling extremely guilty about it) and the "stakeholder" doesn't agree! Man, you've got yourself into a Big Loser situation here
[If you do what you like, you end up feeling guilty and sad because the "stakeholder" is not happy, and I'm sure the strong words against your plans from the "stakeholder" would also pinch you. If you don't do what you want - well you've lost any way] -
It is against my resolution! Period.
So, now that I have this sorted out, all that is left is a plan to achieve this freedom!
